Doing Life with Your Adult Children: Keep Your Mouth Shut and the Welcome Mat Out
About this deal
If my parents told me as a teen or young adult what worked well for them, I would generally enjoy the glimpse into a different time and place and consider it - appreciate it - but feel no compulsion to act likewise - or to fight it, either, for that matter. Either choice did not diminish my relationship with my parents. They would treat me the same.
There were a couple of points I didn't completely agree with. For example, he had some different counsel/reaction than I think I would regarding "children not embracing my values" and I didn't agree with his attitude toward the culture and its effect on our children. He seems to think it's expected that culture will influence our children more than we can and we just have to accept it. I don't think it has to be that way, nor do I think it is good to just passively give in.The consequences of poor choices can be really, um, messy. They can be hard to clean up. And the fallout might last a long time. I’m sharing this, knowing that life and family and love do not operate via formulas – we can’t just follow Script A to guarantee Result B – I’m sharing because we are all in this together and we can learn from the experience of others…
In many cultures multiple generations live together naturally and with joy. In movie plots, we often see the problems with this – but conflicts and problems are included to build intensity – not to educate us on best practices. So, now, when there are new rivals on the scene, in this case her daughter’s husband and his family, she can see that she may lose out. ‘They’ can send you away and you will only be able to see the new happy family from afar; the outsider looking in,” says Byford.
There's a couple other comments I've heard on that proverb (22:6.) One is that while the proverb talks about what the child will do when he/she is old, it doesn't mention anything about the middle years. It includes many who wander and who do return to faith. I am having a challenging time with my adult daughter who has 3 children 4 and under. I do help her as much as i can however she and I are both resentful with each other. Every child needs at least one significant adult who is irrationally positive about them. Be that person in your child’s life.